Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize