I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize