you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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