go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Randomize
