This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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