Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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