Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
And then my night got REAL pukey
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I don't want my vagina anymore.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
