so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
