No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
