Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Boobs speak an international language.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
