Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
