YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
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He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
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You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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