with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
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even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
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I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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