I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
