so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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