6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
