yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I AM VODKA MAN
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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