Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
