There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
