I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think a kid would responsible me up
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize