Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
