If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The power of my boobs compel you
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
