I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
