You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I need a beard to bite.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My feet surprised me
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
