I showed him my bush... on skype.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
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The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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