your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
