So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
