we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
