i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
