thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
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He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
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After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize