I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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