as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize