Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
