I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
