Just fell off a train. Bad.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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