I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
