all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
