so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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