i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
