I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
