Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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