Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I will pee on everything he values.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
