New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Who died my cat blue again?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
