That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
