I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
