I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
