Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
