sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
