no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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