i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
