dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
