you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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