Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I think a kid would responsible me up
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
