1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
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