so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
