..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
