I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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