Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
