she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
