I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
