she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
