Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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