I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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