Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight