guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
