I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
