WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Holy shit dude........stairs
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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