the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
