My room smells like vodka and shame
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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