so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
