No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
