I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
