You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
